Some nostalgia

I was getting a little nostalgic as I went through some old things a few weeks ago, especially when I found this old letter. I sent these handwritten letters (loveheart-dotted 'i's and all) to all my high school girlfriends as school was finishing for the last time. I had always planned to defer from my university place the year after high school, but life had other plans for me. Very suddenly I had to move out of home, leave Central Victoria and my family, and find my feet in the city. This all happened within about four weeks, and I was only seventeen. I wasn't ready to go.

* * *

I suppose that I finally have to admit that The Group's self decided high school reign of superiority has finished. Our era as we know it is coming to a close, and although our best intention is to hold off and avoid our inevitable fate, our futures are pulling us away from what we always wanted. Plans make in our last year of togetherness over out hand-painted watercolour table at school are becoming harder and harder to maintain. Our dreams of eternal years of schoolies-like parties are being replaced by personal ideals of the perfect job, university places, lectures, finding new accommodation, meeting new friends, and finding new love. Some of our ideals are being realised, while some of our original plans are being thrown out of order by new opportunities that were never intended to occur.

Change for some of us puts smiles on our faces, as this was the plan all along, to change. But this word has another meaning for others. Changing is forcing us from our ordered, safe, comforting little worlds where ideally, everything will continue to be. At least until we say that it is alright to adapt.

As much as those of us want to hide in this place, life makes other plans for us and I've begun to understand that no matter how happy we are to live here in our organised, sheltered lives, we can't prolong our stay here any longer than our fate intends.

We've hear one thousand times over that "things change", but from now on, I want to swallow my fear of it and make things change for the better. I'm scared of something that will be a whole new world for me, a whole year too early. I'm scared of losing you and leaving you and I'm scared that my future will be too far from yours.

But I will call you. I will email you. I will visit you. We will always be together, just in a different setting. Things will be different, but we don't have to let The Group go. We have had our years of wonderful experiences.

We'll go to the beach in the summer and make pyramids and take photos. In autumn we'll walk together and laugh about Slush Puppy and Muscular Whore. In winter we'll stay together in an apartment in the city, after our annual Saints vs. Bombers game, and be grateful for our doonas and hot chocolate. In spring we'll come back home and lay in the grass in the Castlemaine Botanic Gardens and be thankful that despite our different and diverse paths, we didn't let our friendship slip away from us. We'll make new friends, but we'll never replace the old ones. We have too much to let go of.